The Newborn Phase by Kirsty
Kirsty is a wife, mama to three girls, as well as a published author who keeps it real when it comes to motherhood & everything in between. We feel so lucky to know Kirsty & her beautiful family which is why we are so excited to share this (totally relatable!) guest blog she has put together for you.
The effect of the 'Newborn Phase' on babies and mothers is all pretty common knowledge these days, and most of us have experienced the foggy haze, and pure exhaustion of the first few months (to years) of our children's lives. But one aspect that often gets overlooked (and often unspoken) is the lasting effect that the newborn phase can have on our relationship with our partners.
There’s no denying that when you enter into a new relationship, you find yourself right, smack-bang in the middle of the sweet spot; The Honeymoon Phase. If you live under a rock, and somehow, you’ve managed to make it to this point in your life, and you’restillunaware of what the Honeymoon Phase actually entails, then you’re in luck. You’re about to get educated; ‘Kirsty-cated’ if you will.
The Honeymoon phase is that sweet, blissful time in the beginning of your relationship when absolutely NOTHING can dampen your feelings for one another. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not even the sound of his snoring at night, because it’s muted by the fuzzy rose-coloured love goggles (or ear muffs perhaps?) you’ve unknowingly donned, and you pick up his wet towels every single day of the week because he’s just so darn CA-UTE!
There is some debate in the very (non) scientific world (my purely speculative brain), on just how long the honeymoon phase actually lasts, and as far as I can tell, it’s as varying as the number of my husbands mismatched socks that I’m forced to sort out every week. But it’s fairly safe to say, that if you still giggle when he jokes that someone “must’ve stepped on a duck” every time he lets one rip, then you’re still in it. Enjoy it.
There does (usually) come a time in every relationship, when the honeymoon phase comes to an end. And it’s usually around this time that you find yourself standing alone in a quiet room aggressively whispering questions like;
“How hard is it to put the dishes in the actual dishwasher?” and,
“What did his last slave die of?”
It’s when you start playing games of housework chicken, leaving the growing pile of dirty dishes in the sink, or the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the hallway, just to see who’ll crack under the dirty pressure first (hint; it’s usually alwaysyou).
But there’s another phase of your relationship that often goes unnoticed. Unnoticed by everyone except youthat is. It’s something that no one really talks about. It often seems like such a natural progression for so many of us, to grow up and one day start a family. So much so, that we regularly talk about the different effects that the newborn baby phase can have on the mother and the baby, even the father as an individual, but what about the two of you as a couple?
The fact is, the newborn phase can be brutal on your relationship.
You’re more tired, hormonal, and often times more overwhelmed than you’ve ever been in your entire life. Suddenly you find yourselves having arguments at 3am over the fact that you just knowthat he eye-rolled at you, and the mere sight of his useless, and superfluous man-nipples enrage you. I mean;
WHY ARE THEY EVEN THERE???
Then he’s over there somewhere, wondering why you can’t fall asleep blissfully in each other’s arms anymore? Let alone the fact that it’s been so long that you guys last ‘rolled in the hay’ that he’s still wondering if everything still works anymore. I’m pretty sure it still does, he’s just being dramatic (insert another eyeroll here).
I know for us, each time we’ve added to our tribe, there’s been a huge adjustment period. For all of us. But especially for our relationship. Each time we’ve brought another baby home, we’ve had to take a step back from each other, just to allow ourselves some space to breathe, and some time to figure out who we are again. Through the hormones and the exhaustion, we’ve fought, and we’ve cried. We’ve fallen over more times than we can count, and we’ve thrown around the ‘D’ word (divorce, obviously) more than we’d each care to admit. But despite it all, we’ve somehowmanaged to find our feet.
It’s like somewhere after the fog of that first year of each child’s life has lifted, it’s lifted off us too, and we’ve been able to see each other clearly again (or slightly clearer, if nothing else). We’re certainly not the same as we were before kids, I don’t think we ever will be. Our dynamic has changed again and again, with the addition of each new baby (and of course it would).
We’re all evolving together. Forever changing. And as hard as it has been at times, I kind of love that!